The Paradox of Control and Freedom

A friend of mine used to be a Dom. Back when she lived in LA, she used to tie up wealthy men, strip them, whip them, and make them do whatever she wanted.

Get in the room! Take your pants off!

She was paid really well to rip them of their dignity, and the big bucks came in during rare occasions in which she was requested to “kidnap” wealthy men, tie them up and throw them into a car, and then drop them off in a desert. She and her team would then punish them, and then release them back into reality.. most often a world in which they ran a department or an organization.

But why would they enjoy that? I asked.

Because they’re in control all the time. They’re the ones that always have to make the decisions. They’re the ones that have to be strong and lead. Sometimes it’s too much, and they find relief when they get to be a slave (within, of course, certain restrictions set by the Sub, another interesting paradox).

Depression is often linked to a self of helplessness, a sense of no control. Maybe some of these people are trapped in an office from 9-5 doing things they don’t care about, maybe they stay overweight and unhealthy no matter what diet or exercise they try, or maybe they’re stuck in a manipulative and toxic relationship.

On the other hand, many high-achieving and positive people feel empowered. They’ve realized their reality based on their choices. If they’re in a challenging situation, it’s up to them to choose how they respond and improve the situation. They feel free because they have control over their life.

Yesterday, a coworker shared this story with me during lunch: He used to run his own business, and even though it was successful, after awhile, he felt the need to reset his priorities and lifestyle. He took some time off and travelled the world, and upon his return to the States, accepted a 9-5 job. While many of my coworkers will claim that they’re really busy whenever I ask, this guy feels like he’s cruising through even though he works the same number of hours as everyone else.

I just need to do my work, most of which is already designed for me. I don’t need to worry about anyone getting paid or getting my clients to pay or keeping the team well-staffed or making sure the contracts are keeping us profitable.

Panentheists believe that all humans are gods. They believe we’re conscious beings that have control over reality.

Christians seek comfort in being a lamb following God, their shepherd.

The slaves in the ancient Caste system accepted their fate; they were punished for their wrongdoings in their past life.

So.. which is it? Does having complete control set you free, even with its consequences and responsibilities, or does relinquishing control, thus accepting fate set you free? Where does the majority of the population fall under?

Would the world be a better place if we all took control of our lives? People with control over their thoughts would provide more checks and balances for sure..

  • jeypandian

    Both. If the ends justify the means then having complete control is ideal because controls help define boundaries and boundaries in turn allows one to divide and conquer clearly defined challenges.

    Relinquishing control is beneficial because one can leverage a power of many or herd mentality approach.

    Most people in the population tend to be conformists vs originals. The answer would vary.

    Would the world be a better place if more people took control of their lives? Yes and no.